The Power To Say Sorry

I screwed up. I felt so irritated about the behaviour of my daughter. I had already given her many  warnings. And than I reacted very intense and fiercy at a small misstep of her. And, ouch, than my wife started to battle me.

I felt so stressed about the situation that I could not slow down and give attention to my little son. So, no, this evening I was not tickling him.

Afterwards I felt myself a ‘failing’ father. But happily I could console myself that I am ‘mostly’ friendly and peacefully towards others. Giving attention and being present in the moment.

I felt the determination to do it otherwise next evening. Just conform the common sleep ritual in our family of four.

It had grown in my imagination

But even after a night of sleep I felt ‘bad’ about what had happened. I tried to relativise it, because it was not such big as it had grown in the meantime in my imagination. Standing very early in the morning before the mirror in the shower room I decided to offer my family my apologies, just when we would sit down to eat our morning food.

And yes I did. I said sorry to my wife and to my kids. Just mentioning what I did wrong and how I like to behave otherwise. I felt that the words were coming from my heart. These words were upright and real.

And wow, before my eyes I saw the effects. Again I was impressed about the power of words ( see also my blog from 18 October 2018: Click here )

Before my eyes there did take place a softening. The atmosphere became more warmly during these first moments of our new day.

While my wife looked first a little grumpy, she started smiling at me. And I saw that my kids became more relaxt. There arose again the freedom to be yourself and there was felt far more space around our table.

Wow, this morning my flaws just transformed into flowers.

I was again very surprised about the possibility of saying sorry. The power of expressed regret which is felt from inside, from the place of our hearts.

For many years absent in my life

I even felt a little proud, because the power to say sorry was for many years absent in my life.

I did come from a background where I never heart that adults were saying sorry to each other. Even my father never said sorry to me about some of his behaviours. At least, I can’t remember it.

It was during my first job that a colleague explained to me the essence and usefulness of saying sorry to others. And when I just tried this in practice – even with confused feelings, feeling insecure and hesitating, but also determined – I felt that I was liberating myself. I escaped the prison of my Ego. The big walls of separation and self-justification – built during years – were crumbling in seconds.

It is good to expand the vulnerability of myself. Even when I am than feeling ‘weak’. And even when people are offending me, when they try to belittle me. Not knowing who I am and what my possibilities are to behave ‘ugly’ and ‘destructive’ towards them 🙂

Oh, what a challenge to forgive those who are misbehaving towards me. Oh, what an impossibility for my Ego, when I am feeling the rage and hate about what others are doing. Seeing very sharp their ‘unrighteous’ acts. And sensing the murderous thoughts which my mind is sending than about it. Happily, those are fading away when I am just observing these thoughts.

Oh, what an energy I am feeling than inside me. An energy which is wanting to burst out. To go outside my body. To explode and to be a Big creating Bang.  

I am desiring that I can transform and shape this energy towards the powers of saying sorry and forgiving others. Because there are people around us that are ‘ignorant’ and ‘sleeping’. They are ‘unaware’ and not present, ‘blindly’ justifying what they are doing. Even when it asks them to jump, to lie and to make an unlogical connection between two contradicting thought structures.

So again I am saying: ‘Father, forgive them, because they are not knowing what they are doing’.

For a further read, see also my post on 18 December 2018: Click here

Wisdom is Practical and Dares to Confront Those Who Stay in Positions of Power

A good friend likes to give me advice about how I can attract more visitors towards my website. He sais that when I publish challenging quotes from well known historic or nowadays famous people it will be liked. But the main thing is: I don’t like those aphorisms. Because it is very safe and predictable.

You can hang those texts on tiles in your toilet. It can give you a smile on your face and you can nod in agreement, but it won’t change anything. The cause of this is that these words are abstract and passive – frozen in a frame – and haphazardly directed at every passer-by or bystander.

I believe that real change is coming via persons who are knowing what they are desiring and what they are doing. They think about their goals and go for it, regardless of the difficulties which they are meeting during their journey.

These people are networkers, influencers and actors. And in their interactions things are happening. Like we are also used to in our own lives: Things originate and develop just in the flow of accidents and incidents. Sometimes seemingly accidentally.

Life is creating itself via successive moments. And wisdom needs than to be present and to jump into the situation. To grasp the chance and to speak the words that are necessary to make the change longer lasting.

I believe that words of wisdom are practical. They are clear and focust. They don’t have hidden agendas. Also there are no multiple interpretations possible. Wisdom is not vague or ambiguous, it is the strength to confront those humans which are behaving from positions of power. When they are abusing their power for their own benefits and when they are crossing personal boundaries there must be someone in the room who will say: ‘No, this is not normal’. ‘Stop doing this!’

The director spoke nasty words about my colleague

I called a former colleague to ask her to give me credentials when a headhunter would phone her about my job application. I was surprised to hear that she also left the firm where I was fired months earlier. She told me that the director had spoken very nasty words about her and towards her – ‘you are crazy in your head’ and ‘your husband will leave you, because of you’ – while her chief and the second manager of the firm were also participating in the same conversation. Both men remained silent and mute, while the director was scolding her.

The only one who was championing for her was she herself. She did say: ‘I don’t accept this and I will resign’.

Her chief was surprised to hear these words and said after the meeting: ‘You should not have done that’. But only two days later he had already changed his mind, while saying: ‘Yes, this is better, because you are for me not a controllable person’.

He shifted his opinions, because this chief is not secure feeling about himself. So how could he be secure about others? How could he be trusting, while he is not even trusting his own girlfriend?

Also he don’t like to stand alone. Not at all when all the other team leaders are nodding their heads and saying ‘yes’ when the director is speaking his aphorisms. His ‘dead’ words – they don’t bless and don’t give life, even not when they are flattering – can be written down on tiles, like the grave stones at a cementary.

Dare to take the risk to be humilated, rejected and mocked

Where are the people who dare to be isolated? To be the only one who speak while the rest is staying silent? Where are the humans who dare to take the risk to be humilated, to be rejected and to be mocked? Where are the ‘brave’ persons that dare to speak to those who are thinking and believing that they are in (absolute) positions of power? Surrounded by yes-men.

For me there are no positions of power. No hierarchies, no gurus and no rulers. The only power is self-control and what we are – deep inside us – really believing about ourselves and our surrounding world.

What are our beliefs? And do we really understand that no other human can enslave us? Even when they are harming our bodies. Or when they are locking us inside small rooms? Even than our minds and spirits are free. The light of Freedom can even shine in a prison. Because this light is inside our bodies. Don’t extinguish the Light of our existence which is given to us!

I was conceived in love

I am aware that I was conceived in love. Even when I don’t have a memory about it, I am believing this. And even when other people are probably thinking and speaking badly about me.  

I am also determined to leave this temporarily life in Love !

Even when hate and insults would surround me in my ‘final’ moments, there would be the consulting and comforting presence of Love. I am absolute sure about that!

Everything will work for me and lead to the blossoming results of my life: Abundant grace, humility and vulnerability.

And a transparancy which is going deeper than flesh, blood and bones:

A daily watered – blessed – Heart and Soul.

Love you all !