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Feeling the difficulties of life I am wondering why I am experiencing sorrows. What is the usefulness of sadness?
Wondering and pondering. Desperately trying to stay present in the moment. Discovering that even than there is a strength hiding inside me.
And deciding than to continue to pay closely attention to all the thoughts which are traveling through my brain. Because I really want to think positive and to stay hopeful, even when everything seems lost.
I will stubbornly believe that every situation will work for my good and will bring the best out of me, even when I am not knowing it or seeing it.
I am the one who is shaping my own life via the expressions and exclamations of my mouth. So I am observing my thoughts … like a mother who takes care of her children … 🙂
I am aware that I want to have a blessing tongue. Blessing myself and blessing others. Loving myself, even when I am feeling the failing and seeing myself falling down. Even when my feelings are mirroring the thoughts of tragedy.
Choosing to open up, to share my experiences with others. And to be surprised by their reflections of carefulness.
And their love is reminding me of the Love inside me.
And that I am still unhindered on the road to a big Eternal Expression of Everlasting Life.
When I was a child I was dominant. I was acting like that I was the boss. I always wanted that we were playing in accordance with my will. At that age I did not understand the words of Jesus when he was saying:
”I am not here to reign, but to serve”.
‘Serving the other’ was sounding for me – when I was a teenager – like being a submissive servant. I felt the resistance inside me.
Nowadays, being a father, I understand far more what it means to be a servant. Brushing the teeth of my kids or cleaning the dirty buttocks of my little son …
To be a servant is for me nowadays a free choice of my will. To help others, hoping that they can flourish like flowers and that they can feel that they are taken care of, is for me like giving away a present of love and strength.
It is more beautiful to see that others are making their own choices than to be the boss who is commanding others to act in accordance to his rules. It is more tempting to see that others are in their own power than to overpower them.
Like Jesus showed us. That real strength is not in power terms, in royal clothes or in big and expensive cars, but that natural power is found in care and paying attention to others. Like listening carefully, encouraging and empowering each other. To keep it up, even when the circumstances are dark and difficult. And even when the other is hurting you and me.
Please, hold on. A helper is already on the way to you … 🙂
When I was young I told myself that I was strong and independent. That I could live on my own. Without the care of others. And even without their attention.
But now I am getting older. And I am discovering an awareness deep inside me that I am every day dependent on the grace of others. That they are permitting me to be, to live and to have my own space and place.
And that we all as humans are confronted with difficulties, disasters, sadness, stress and pain. And that we are than, but also just now, in such a need of loving and protecting arms … warm hugs … and sometimes the smile of a stranger.
We are as beings such vulnerable. And somewhere between our lonely cradle and our buzzy peer group we lost that insight.
But I am happy that Life is giving me again the opportunity to experience the powerfull blessing of vulnerability.
Our beautiful mind can make us mad. So much imagery, fantasy and memories. Light or heavy thoughts and emotions. We can feel frustrated and powerless. Useless and restless. Out of place and floating in emptiness, darkness and imprisoned in our bodies.
But all these things are mental reflections and interpretations of our tiny, hollow and shallow Ego, which is a shadow of the real Reality.
The real thing is that we are loved completely, whatever we are thinking, doing or feeling. And regardless our acts, we are still loved. It is a never ending Love Story full of hope, courage and faith. It is such fulfilling that there is never a shortage of it.
The whole Universe is embodied with love. More over: All emptiness and darkness is full of Light and Life. Even when we are not feeling it, not seeing it or not believing it. Even when we are unaware of it.
To escape Ego – which only exists in our mind – and the suffering which is created by ego, the drama and the disaster, we can try to realize that it is possible to leave the house of our thoughts. We don’t have to live permanently in the ‘attic’ of our head …
Just use the staircase inside your body to descend towards the place of your lungs and your belly.
Be aware … Feel … Breathe … breathe … And feel the Presence that is present there … The strength … The joy … The power of Life … It is inside you … Dwelling there … . Whatever you are feeling … Or whatever difficulties your are experiencing … You are not alone … There is a big, decent Being inside You …
Inside myself I laugh at myself. It feels like a big joke. Like that the Universe is not permitting me to escape my ‘fate’ 🙂 Because I never considered it possible that I would become a teacher. Me a teacher? No way. Never …
For years I resisted the thought of being the ‘master’ of a classroom full of kids. My ego was using my imagination to produce pictures of boring and dull situations.
Why was I protesting inside? Because many members of my family are teachers. My grandfather and my parents were, my sister, my uncle and my niece are it still today … And I charmed myself with the idea that I am unique, special and ‘otherwise’ than my family. I would live my life otherwise. I would go another path. I would choose my ‘own’ destiny …
But after years of different jobs I am feeling inside that the school as workplace is attracting me. It itches and it tickles inside me …
This started to become real when I was bringing my daughter to school and when I was feeling there an atmosphere of caring and loving attention … 🙂
And now … I am studying and practicing to be a teacher … Enthusiastically … Yes … You read that right … Enthusiastically 🙂
It was not a free choice of my will to get used to the drinking of coffee. I was twelve years and my parents convinced me that the drinking of coffee was an act which would prevent later a situation of social isolation. Because everyone is drinking coffee …
I remember very well my first gulps of coffee. The coffee in my cup was mixed with lots of milk and sugar, to soften the bitter taste of the black liquid. But even than my first nips of coffee were disgusting. I felt deep inside that I really did not want this. But I persisted, remembering the words of my parents about the threat of rejection by others.
And after 31 years of drinking coffee – the last years totally black fluid, to prevent me of getting too high doses of sugar – I have finally stopped this practice.
And yes I have felt it the first days. I was experiencing light withdrawal symptoms. I had for some days a very light headache. I felt lethargic – I was yawning more – and I had also moments of heavy sweating. And sitting behind my computer there was the desire of my mind: I really wanted to drink coffee …
And still I am sometimes missing my coffee breaks. Or the cozy moments that I am drinking a cup of coffee in a cafe and eating than also a nice cake or a piece of an apple pie. With of course a big blob of whipped cream on top of it 🙂
But the benefits for me are far more present:
My body is since August the 8th freed from the permanent feeling of stress and activation. My muscles are not anymore feeling that tight and tense. And my will is rejoicing that I am free of an – socially accepted – addiction.
Overall: I really want to be free of whatever form of binding and sneaking influence that in the long term can make me more mortal than I really like to be … 🙂
Did you ever ask yourself how it is possible that the earth is still turning after billions of years? And why that movement is continuously? Day after day, night after night and year after year. Without getting stuck. Or even without delays or errors …
The answer to this question is hidden in the stars 🙂 It are the stars themselves. These countless, blinking, seemingly motionless spots are like restrained horses in the dark. They are full of fire. Earnestly desiring to break loose and to let their energy go into the emptiness.
It is like stepping on the gas, while the brake is still on. Your car will than bump and bump. Also these far away lights are restlessly prancing and dancing. And it are these exited movements that are pressing the old earth wave after wave … to turn again, again and still again around its axis …
Whatever happened … Whatever shame or blame … Whatever pain … Focus on your fame … Your decent descent is that you are created gentle … And that your essence is still gentleness … Your core is and will be undamaged … So be friendly for yourself … Love yourself … and love the others as essential parts of Yourself …
Indeed there is far more between heaven and earth. But for now: Just forget that 🙂 Enjoy the beautiful blue dome above your head. And breathe and live. Do the things you like. And love yourself and the others around you. Even if you feel for this moment lost and lonely. Or when the dome above your head is darkened. Observe than the ‘expressions’ around you. The animals, the trees, the clouds … And also the moon … And let your face than mirror the sky which you alone can create for us all …
We love straight lines and mostly to draw within the lines. But wisdom can be conceived via curving lines. Like the warping of a wave. Coming to electrify your brains … which are also wired … This is a reality that is otherwise than the plain and straight streetmaps we are commonly used to …